Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Amanda realizes she's not in Kansas anymore

"This is Amanda... she works at sex parties."

I don't think I realized what I was getting myself into when I started all of this. I've always been a supporter of alternative lifestyles, but never really took part in one, myself. At least, not by normal standards. (I'm sure my mother would beg to differ, if she had any idea.) But now I'm here, facilitating orgies.

Did they happen without me before, and will they continue when I'm done? Absolutely. However, for now at least, I happen to be placing myself in the thick of it. If a person is shy, I introduce them around. If a woman is uncomfortable, I entice her. If a party is slow and getting going, I try to get things riled up. I've held condom-covered-ass-dildos, I flirt, I pass the condoms, I set the lighting, and I pull people over to watch with me so that they feel as if they've gotten something for their dollar.

I did enter this with a loose set of boundaries, but my boss constantly tries to blur them. He tells me who to flirt with, reminds me that I can partake, shows me pictures of his wife sucking his dick ("What? We're not on that level? I thought we were.") I have generally brushed it all off. ("No, no we are not at all on that level." or "I'm just really not interested in joining in with anyone right now, but good to know.") But there was one request of his that struck me.

"Hey, if this doesn't start getting going, I'm going to need your help. If you could just loosen everyone up by stripping down a bit and showing your breasts, that'd be great."

Mere suggestion, but it felt wrong. When people ask me about the money that gets exchanged at these parties, I always explain that it's clean. Everyone pays for the hotel room and the coordination of the parties, but no one is paid for sex. Suddenly, it felt as if a little of that money was going to be going towards me degrading myself. I didn't have to do it, and didn't, but the assumption that I would if asked struck a chord.

I think that there is definitely a part of me that enjoys the "me" versus "them" mentality in this work. When asked, I stick up for these people wholeheartedly. I believe that they are consenting adults taking part in something they enjoy while fully accepting the consequences. In other words, they deserve respect. However, ask me if I participate, and I will do everything in my power to convince you that I don't.

Even with Paul Bunyan, I made a few attempts at deluding myself into believing that I could sleep with him and have it not be "participating." Perhaps if we slept together before anyone arrived, or maybe if he stayed after everyone left, and I made him scrub down in the shower and gargle with mouthwash. He could literally scrub the party away, right? Then it would just be a one-night-stand. (We won't even get started with my thoughts about one-night-stands.) Obviously, that would not truly be the case.

The reality of it all is that I am participating. I don't jump on the bed and take 3 men like Tinkerbell, but I lick whipped cream off of womens' chests. That's more than I can say for my man Edan. He pays, and doesn't touch a darn thing! I also watch. I'm not lying when I say that I don't find it arousing, but I certainly pick up pointers if I think someone does a better job than I would. I get my ass slapped, I slap asses, and I've even pinched a nipple or two.

And every time that I go to a party, I find myself more and more comfortable with what's happening. I'm still horrified by the total lack of discussion regarding STIs (It appears to be assumed that the people coming are clean, but with the regulars, there's no way they could get tested often enough.), but there's nothing inherently wrong. I've even started building friendships with party-goers, inviting them into my life outside of the parties. In other words, it's getting increasingly difficult to separate myself out as an observer.

And this is good and bad. It's good because the deeper one goes into a group, the better they can understand the emotional qualities of what they are observing. One can only truly understand motivation, role, value, and the transfer of that information when they take an active part. However, it is bad in that I did not enter this project with the hopes of becoming a sex party participant. After my most recent party (posts to come), it has become clear that I need to set up some boundaries. What am I comfortable with? What can others expect of me? How do I say no without compromising my place in the group?

That last part is the real doozy. Needing to say no is much more prevalent than I initially thought it would be. Regulars know for a fact that I'm allowed to participate, and newbies have a hard time believing me when I say I can't. I've had it suggested to me that I just take my top off. People have asked if I'd make out with them, fluff them, put on a show, and a whole host of other things. I'm there, I'm allowed, and therefore there should be no hold up.

Because really, being a sex party hostess that doesn't want to participate is... unheard of. Why would I take the job? It's not a predictable schedule, the wages depend on the turnout, and there are naked bodies all over the place. If I was strapped for cash, I'd be better off working at a restaurant. And, seeing as I am not strapped for cash, the only explanation could be that I get something out of it. Right now, the assumption is that I'm turned on, or I'm building up the courage to really go at it. Fascination with human behavior is surely reason enough for me, but I don't know if my compatriots will agree.

In other words, what I'm struggling with is the realization that I have to keep some level of participation in order to maintain my position as a trusted (and hired) hostess. It can't be black and white, me v. them.  There's a dance that has to be danced, and I just have to figure out the most basic footwork to survive.I thought I had it at the first couple parties, but I'm starting to believe that it's much more involved than I could have predicted. Hopefully, this is just me being paranoid due to being in foreign territory, and Amanda will remain uncompromised.

On a completely different note, I had a funny learning: Underwear with attachable garters is hopeless if the underwear is too big.

Up next...Guest post!!!! 
(Unless she takes forever... at which point I will post something in the interim.)


Friday, April 15, 2011

The Rest of the Motley Crew - Party 2

Some little tidbits about the rest of the party-goers -

Daddy W(arbucks) and Alice in Chains
Apparently I didn't get the full show from these two, which makes me sad. Mark says that Daddy W has quite the kit of whips, paddles, and chains that he often likes to bring out for a show. Our night was not quite as spectacularly entertained.

Daddy W has some sort of job in the entertainment business. "I never pay for tickets to anything," he says. He's got what I can only assume to be a $100 bottles of bourbon/whiskey belly. It's... omnipresent almost. I actually don't remember much about his face, just that it was pale. He also seemed too old for our parties (not the only violator that night), but if you average his age with Alice, I guess they're somewhere in their early 30's. Maybe that's how it works.

While I didn't pay much attention to Daddy W, except when he was talking to Derek and knocking him down a peg (Derek uses a ticket broker... for shame), I payed a whole lot of attention to Alice. Alice is... beautiful. She was pulling me way over to the other side of the Kinsey Scale, if you know what I mean. She's probably about 5'6" with just enough meat on her bones to give her a stately hourglass. She was wearing a garter and stockings, and happens to be the only woman that took of her top besides Tinkerbell. In each nipple she had 14g nipple rings. I'm guessing as to their gauge, because she told me that Daddy W just picked them out for her and had her get it done. She spent the night stroking Daddy W and lying across the bed in a seductive manner, taking about 5 minutes for him to poke her quickly with his small penis. I get this feeling she didn't cum, which I find quite unacceptable. (Amanda to the rescue? I'm pretty sure I would have gotten scolded.)

Carlos and Silent Roberta
So, there's actually a bit of a story I forgot to tell previously. Carlos happened to walk into the suite while I was receiving my back massage. Apparently he thought I had finally joined the party, because I felt a hand on my back shortly after Paul had moved to work on my hands. Carlos... skeeves me out. His hair was greasy, his looks were creepy, and he got his girlfriend all sorts of plastered before sending her upstairs with Paul. Something just didn't feel right. So, when he put his hand on me, my hand immediately shot up, my finger went to wagging, and I loudly stated. "Carlos! The only hands that touch me are experts." He whimpered and moved over to shoot the shit the remaining guys. Phew.

Roberta... I know nothing about her. She was very pretty. She was so drunk that her body was floppy as she tried to screw guys. I was told it was quite the workout having to holder her up. Apparently things got better upstairs, so... I guess she's alright.

Peter Pan and Tinkerbell

Peter Pan and Tinkerbell were an adorable little (I mean little, as they were both very short) couple that had apparently decided to graduate from foursomes to full-on group sex. Peter didn't do much besides hang out next to his girlfriend and make sure no one put their P in her V (P in the A was A-Okay). Tinkerbell though... wow. She managed to handle 3 men at once - hand, mouth, ass. I'd say she made the rounds to about 6 of the men that night. (Go Tinkerbell!) She also happened to be quite enthusiastic about Derek's dildos. When a man wasn't preoccupying her attention, she would hop on her boyfriend and have Derek stick one of his dildos in her backside.

Now, this... this was something where I should have been paying more attention. Why? Because then I would have known not to stick my hand out without looking when Derek said: "Hey Amanda, will you hold this for a second?"

Right, So! I put my hand out and felt a handle put into it. The instant sensation was that I was holding a whip of some sort, until I felt it move. When I looked to my left, I realize that I was holding a leather extender on a dildo shoved in between Tinkerbell's cheeks. The movement was her riding it. When I wigged out a little bit, she turned her head backwards and said: "Just hold it still and I can do it." At that point I looked at Paul's random friend, yanked on his arm, and handed it off. May I never have that experience ever again.

Charlie and the Great White Cougar
For anonymity reasons, I will not talk about Charlie. The Cougar was hot, though. She also LOVED our alcoholic chocolate whipped cream. Perhaps too much...

(Tiny) Tim
Bless Tiny Tim. He wasn't tiny. Actually, I don't know much about his size, since he wouldn't take off his underwear. Tiny Tim is a dog trainer for Petco, who is so incredibly shy. He hung out on the sidelines the whole night, and quietly answered my questions when I tried to bring him out of his shell. When he did strip down to his grey underwear (although I'm still unclear as to why), his backside was drenched in sweat.

He came back! He still didn't get laid.

Lily and Billy
So, Billy is actually the guy who found me on the internet. He's in his early 30's, and was introduced to me as Lily's fuck buddy. From what I can remember, he works in programming, and fits the profile very well. Our interactions where fairly limited, except for his extremely awkward come-ons when I would pass by. Oh yes, and I did tell him when a spot had become available in Tinkerbell, for which he was very appreciative.

Lily... OH LILY!!! She was my favorite person the whole night. Lily was the only woman at the party that wasn't drinking, and was just the funniest little peach of a gal. We chit-chatted and gossiped and giggled on the side for the majority of the night, because she was very anxious. Most of her anxiety, I came to realize, was due to her size. Lily was a thick broad... I'm not going to lie. (Then again, being a mildly thick broad myself, I don't see why that should stop her.) When I first pulled her over to the bed, she stared at the action through her fingers like a kid in a horror film, so we just giggled and I tried little things here and there to loosen her up. First attempt was the whip cream, which I licked off of her chest while the unattended bachelors watched. She chuckled and blushed a bit, but then took her spot back on the sideline. After chatting a bit more, and trying a few more little things here and there, I finally realized we'd have to be a little drastic if I wanted to get my girl some. So... I came up with an idea. "Lily, I'll take my shirt off if you take yours off." She looked up at me with some bright eyes, and off it went! Next thing I knew, she and her bright red bra had hopped on Derek and the rest of the night was history!

Lily actually gave me a big hug at the end of the night, and thanked me for making the night more comfortable for her. My response: "What's a partner in crime for?!"

Old Man River
River could not have been under 40. His hair was already silver (and we're not talking about an Anderson Cooper scenario), and despite being in immaculate shape, he had obvious signs of aging. I believe the only action he saw all night was some that he snuck in with Silent Roberta.

The Disappearing Act
No joke, 8 people arrived and left our party within about 30 minutes. It was a set of 4 couples that came in, grabbed each other, and headed out for drinks and possibly a private party. I'm pretty sure we had already taken their money, though. (Suckers!)

Up next... Amanda realizes she's not in Kansas Anymore


Monday, April 11, 2011

Quick side note - How internet dating can make hostessing even more awkward

I'm on an internet dating site, like most people I know (that's right... I've seen you!). Recently, it became a little more awkward than it is even on a normal day. See, one of the party guys found me, and apparently didn't recognize me 100%.

So...I've checked out your profile a couple times, why haven't we talked yet? What do you do for work? It sounds like you're always on the go. I like a girl that can keep busy and play hard when she's got a few hours free. Why don't you drop me a line and we'll talk :)

This created an interesting situation. First of all, he was at the party with Lily, whom I loved. Second of all, I really wasn't interested. Of course I couldn't ignore him, so I decided to keep it professional.

So, I guess you don't recognize me. I think it's best we keep it professional. Tell Lily I say hello, and perhaps I'll see you at a future party.


Luckily, I apparently made a good call. For this morning I received:

Hah, I knew you looked familiar! I couldn't make the connection! I kept saying to myself 'now here's a pretty girl, how haven't I talked to her before...'

Too funny.

Further awkwardness avoided? Probably not.

(Next post will come as soon as possible!!! Real work is keeping me busy 12-16 hours a day, so I'm running a bit behind.)

- Amanda